Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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