honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
