honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He had one of those small greek statue penises
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
