dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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