What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
