It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
