I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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