I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
