i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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