I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
