I cannot find my penis.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
