He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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