I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
