I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
