'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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