I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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