Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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