Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
