So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you win again, gameday.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
