I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
