do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
