i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
