This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
