So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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