So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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