he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
