Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
