i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
