I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
