When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Is it because I queefed?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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