Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
