Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
