allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize