I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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