she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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