Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
