I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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