Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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