I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
