hotel room ftw
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
