my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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