i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
