Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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