I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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