like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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