I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
