I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
