Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
