I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
