Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
