I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
