Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
