we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
