my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
