I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
