Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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