omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
