We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
