omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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