remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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