I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I need moral support for this bender
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
