Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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