It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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