So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
