i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
