70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
