hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
