Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just fell off a train. Bad.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
