I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
